Just Damn!
"
A Treatise: Someone May Get Shot in the Face
Well, now, if there is any way fellows can chase off most women it is to speak of firearms, and their throbbing cocklust for them. This might be a supreme example of that sort of thing... or it might not.
Here's an aside, though, before I get started. I am amazed at the number of men who have children running around shoeless, or wearing blowed out tenny-pumps, with empregnated wives driving 20 year-old Corollas, living in a shotgun shack, while Big Daddy has $3,000 worth of shotguns, a new 4X4 crew cab pickup, an ATV, and a fucking portable duck blind, to be hauled from site to site by that crew cab.
I admire that man. I really do. Because any woman I've ever lived with would have sliced me a new thrill smile from ear to ear with the Gerber Gator she had taken from my drunken hip, while pummeling my sadly unerotic manhood with a goddam broomstick.
I admire that man, but this won't be that post.
And yet: as I waxed so eloquently at that social circle jerk Faces Book, I had to make a decision: do I buy a new fancy digital SLR camera, and enjoy a passion I have entertained since 1971? Or do I buy a couple of rifles? A .22 for plinking, and a larger caliber for processing serious harm to someone/something?
I came down on the side of guns. Because the only pictures I care to spend any extended time looking at would be naked women. Specifically, naked women I was in the process of fucking.
Anything else? Hell, that was a beautiful waterfall, but I just saw the damned thing. Am I really going to revisit that gravity-fucked bale of water in the near, or later, future? Nope. Ain't happening. The naked woman? Probably so. Several times.
Well, I have a cell phone for capturing moments of amour anyway, with the added benefit of sharing that lovemaking with all my friends instantaneously. Iffen I had friends.
And back to the track: Imma gonna buy a Marlin 795 .22 rifle. All you Ruger fans can kiss my recently shaved nethers, too. I still have an AR to build, and buying a 10/22 would engender massive amounts of customizing at the expense of the AR. I want the Marlin because I just might, at some point, and God and General Lee willing, be blessed to shoot someone in the face with it. An intruder, I must add. He must be a miscreant. But damn. Who among us wouldn't shit their drawers for the opportunity to shoot a person in the face? Didn't hurt Cheney.
It wouldn't kill the target, either, is the sweet thing. A mayhem rap, likely. But Lord a mercy. One does make a statement.
The big gun? No idea yet. I am deferring to Og for this. 308? 7mm? 30-06? He'll want me to buy a water buffalo or kudu gun, some kind of elephant gun with a name like Nitro Death or Beastslayer. Something poachers use to eliminate the last of a species, so that they may devour them in disgusting rituals. That's why he's my go-to guy.
I'm not philosophically opposed to hunting down rare exotic animals, necessarily, I just find my species of choice tend to be illegal aliens, and the errant Negro.
Just kidding.
I merely want to kill Bambi's mother. Not that I like venison. I find it repulsive. I just want to kill Bambi's mother.
Now, then: who wants to have their picture taken? I don't have a fancy digital camera, but I do have 4 bars on my cellphone. And a rather robust number of contacts."
Just Damn!
Chow
